my mostly unfiltered ramblings.

I’m really a no religion gal.

I have been baptized as a Christian through the Disciples of Christ Church but, since I was young, religion has always confused me.

As a kid, I read Egyptian and Greek mythology for fun. To me, the stories of the Bible fit right in with the much more entertaining myths and cultures of the Greeks mostly.

I had some weird sense of all of either existing all together or really not at all. I read about fairies almost as much as I aged and for a while believed in an invisible world of the fey.

At some point for me, all of these things meshed to make an interesting story. I realized when I went to church I was not moved by acts and statements from the Bible or God but, by the actions of those who served him.

For me, the saying ‘put your hope in God’ or ‘put your faith in Jesus’ are sayings that mean you don’t have the faith in the human being. 

I understand when people fall ill, and pass away, God is someone to turn to as a way of keeping strong. I respect these people but don’t understand how they can gain comfort from something else. The thought of not having an afterlife and the afterlife in general is a very scary thing which is why I understand people that go to God as they age.

What I can’t understand is people that decide to put faith in God rather than doing something for themselves. Like with weightloss, I prayed when I was younger. To any God that would listen that I would become anything to become thin. This is the product of the way that prayer was presented to a kid with an over active imagination who got to choose what she read. I never changed as a kid though. I lost faith because I didn’t realize then that all change comes from within rather than from any higher being and that it takes my inner strength from all myself to make a change. 

I am extremely accepting of all religions since my father is a Buddhist of sorts, my grandmother is a Bible thumping right wing baptist, my mother is a spiritualist christian and have lived in Indiana for my entire life. I have been around right wing people all of my life, people who hate gays, disdain interracial relationships and have judged me for not being of their so called ”accepting faith.”

In fact, within my sister’s advanced English group that has been together since 6th grade, there are a group of children who daily tell my sister that she is living her life in the wrong for not going to church every week. Specifically, their church/cult. They have a system that efficiently brain washes children to become hypocritical, purity ring wearing, hateful people who actually tell people that they are in the wrong for living any lifestyle beyond their own.

I am very knowledgeable about the roots of Christianity and cannot approve of its past and of all the people who are no good yet hid and still hide behind the cross.

In short, I don’t think I can ever subscribe to one religion and would probably only ever be able to be an agnostic.

I am so sick of hearing about the greatness of God when in reality people need to realize the greatness within themselves. Take credit for their accomplishments. It wasn’t God who scored the touch downs. It was years of your sweat and tears. As a humanist, people take credit for yoursleves.

Human beings are amazing creatures who need to quit worrying so much about the after life and more about their possible one life.

I am in need of some Game of Thrones.

I keep this around to look back.

I can look back at this blog, something that is 5 years old now and see what a different person I was back then.

To see how I went through a phase of not capitalizing all of my I’s and starting sentences with out them as well.

How I went through phases just complaining about boy’s and then an awkward period of time when I was disgustingly make-you-wanna-barf cute with some kid who I now have a great dislike for mostly because of the company he keeps, aka Corey, and his bandwaggoning life of life.

If that makes sense.

I can see myself change as a person. I can see that and it makes me… not happy, but it brings a smile to my face to laugh at who I once was.

And who I was is someone to easily laugh at.

I never did give up on the making one sentence it’s own paragraph.

And I’ve always loved starting sentences with ‘and.’

While my comma errors still abound, I have improved somewhat grammatically and my typing skills have increased by a shit ton.

And reflecting musings done, bye.

I fly, I fly high I’m blazin.

Those moments when all you want to do is listen to John Mayer because his voice can always make you cry.